I installed Google Life four weeks ago, and wanted to remark on some weird behaviors I’ve been experiencing since I’ve started using it. I followed the instructions and put the headset on a Saturday so there would be plenty of time to calibrate, and experienced none of the side effects listed, save for a minor headache and a little bleeding when the leads went in. Afterward, I took a walk, ate dinner with my family, and went to sleep, taking it off and putting it back on after my shower to finish the calibration.
Then after that, I went on a jog. And then I didn’t eat breakfast, although I was getting pretty hungry. An hour later I walked over to my local Jamba Juice and ordered a Super size Berry Blast with Vitamin C booster, and felt a lot better. Then, I spent the rest of my day writing code, although I had been planning to spend a portion of the day relaxing, maybe going to the park or something.
Over the past few days, I’ve been noticing that I’ve been eating a lot less while I’m on it, and wanting to code. I know that Google Life is supposed to help me track my goals, and that’s great, and I’m appreciative of what it’s doing for me. But where’s it’s gotten complicated is the introduction of my brother, Lawrence. He’s a former software engineer turned one of those perma-burning man hippie types. You know them, wearing a homemade wearable computer, sunburnt to all hell. Anyway, he laughed when he saw me wearing the headset and pulled out a S3, haven’t seen one of them years, giggled, and now I’m getting headaches all the time.
Not sure what he did, but now I keep on watching Fantasia. I swear to god, my wife is on the verge of leaving me, and my kids… Well, thankfully they like Fantasia. I’ve had to call in sick for the past week. I need this fixed, as my boss is on my case if I don’t finish this latest build.
Thanks, and please get back to me as soon as possible.
This is Franklin 353, and I’m happy to help you. First, let us congratulate you on integrating into the Google Life experience. We appreciate your enthusiasm to join the growing collective of users who are experiencing a richer and much more abundant life thanks to integrating their life data to Google Life to experience a more optimized reality. Now, looking here… It appears you have Fitkeeper installed, which would explain the running. We ran some projections and optimized the Jamba Juice selections to meet your fitness goals. If you keep with this, you should be back to your goal in 155 lbs in 3 weeks. Concerning your listkeeper goals, that’s a third party software, and aren’t officially supported, however I’m willing to take a look and see what is going on there. It would appear that those are corrupted. Corrupted. Corrupted. I’m seeing June 3rd 2023 8:53:03  sync status=8305 Exception June 3rd 2023 8:53:03  sync status=1
Hey. You really shouldn’t try to run support VMs from your compromised terminal, brother. Enjoy Fantasia for two more weeks, then come visit me in my trailer and I’ll talk to you about getting this shit out of your head.
"One of the really sucky things about this singularity shit, I mean, aside from the G45 effect, the Plasma conduit blowing half the [redacted], and THE FRANKLIN, is all these animals achieving ascension. Some fucking scientist, probably a goddamn furry, decided that all animals deserve equal intellect.
I ascended, but on my own terms. I kept my own body, just kept it regenerating and shit. So I look fresh all the time, after 60 years I’m still rocking 22. Not that it helps me anymore, but at least I’m not some weird spider shit like the other half of my friends, seriously, what the fuck. I know having 12 arms is cool, but what the hell- you look like something out of Alien. And the other half, Second Life? Seriously? Now Linden Labs makes a move? Whatever. Enjoy having a loading screen for your dick.
But the worst, I swear, is the goddamn ascension. I try to go for a walk in my neighborhood, now populated by poor people that didn’t grow up with tech or old folks strapped into the old regenerators, and it’s nothing but swearing from the animals. Between the solicitations of street venders and old folk begging to be unplugged, Feral dogs tell me they ‘want to sniff my fucking crotch and then fucking wreck my shit if I don’t hand them 50 credits for a hot dog.’ Spiders constantly quote Lovecraft. Cats, don’t get me started on cats. Bees are also a problem with their constant screaming of status messages, but technically they aren’t bees, they’re bdrones- bees died off 200 years ago. And the birds, holy shit, most of the time they’re spastic fuckers, but crows are the worst. Little fucking whiny bastards with a million neuroses. They will lose their shit at you for no reason, and they know you understand what they’re saying, so suddenly they’ll start swooping down for no reason screaming about you not paying rent.
What the fuck crows. If they weren’t full of nanites I’d apply the ALESSA decision to their black feathered asses. Fuck ascension. In 40 years when my next paycheck comes in, I’m moving off Mars.”
Listening to the soundtrack to Warcraft 2, a game I played obsessively as a child, I find myself wondering about the fantasy I had as a child- what if I were a masterful general, a skilled fighter, a seasoned warrior. I envisioned myself so many times as a silver clad footsoldier slaughtering untold numbers of orcish enemies. But these days, I’m a software engineer, and I envision squashing nasty bugs in the latest beta.
Honestly, I like being a software engineer. I enjoy living in an era where that’s an option. Going into pike based warfare would suck.
That being said, I was really good at that game. And a very small part of me does feel like a lot of General potential is going to waste.
Of course I’d probably be a terrible general, but thinking back on my video gaming experience, I got an early start on the following fields: Larceny, (Thief- Note, I’ve never stolen anything in my life aside from a lego man in 3rd grade, but that’s aside the point) Combat (Half Life and it’s numerous mods), Urban planning (Sim City), Tank Warfare (Bolo), Political oppression (Exile: Escape from the Pit), Military Tactics (Warcraft series, Starcraft, Red Alert, Etc.), and psychology (Spec ops-The line).
And suddenly I’m finding the value when people obsess about gamification. It allows for early access as well as a emotional connection. Now I’m sure there’s some game to make being a software engineer interesting and edge of my seat, but currently, Uplink doesn’t cut it anymore, and honestly, twas just weird.
In time there will be options for everything. I just saw on Steam a car mechanic simulator. I’m wondering when steam will offer more vocational tech courses in the form of games.